The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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