2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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