Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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