she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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