Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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