Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
