why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
