epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
