you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
