While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
