You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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