Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize