so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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