Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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