every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Drunk is not a location!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
