Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
