my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
