a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
