cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
