I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
