If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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