; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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