It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
