I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
