Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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