and you said cock pushups were impossible
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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