don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
