um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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