okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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