I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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