I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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