Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
