Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize