My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
