Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
