Tell her she can't have a vagina
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
