sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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