I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
