tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
