They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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