Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
