Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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