i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
