they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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