I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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