Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
