And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
