I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
