What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i drank out of a bidet.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
