I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
