i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
