I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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