do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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