i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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