So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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