Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
