Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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