Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh god it's open bar.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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