i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
