Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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