apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
