I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
