Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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