96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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