dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We had to coat check the pizza.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
