I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
