Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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