Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
