Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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