Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
