The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
