I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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